Summer Lovin’ (Part 3 of 3)- How to Navigate Sexuality Today
Welcome to our final post in the three-part series, Summer Lovin'! We’re concluding with how to navigate sexuality today. You can read part one here and part two here.
Over the past couple of months, we dove right into God's design for sex and how we divert from His original plan. We have been referencing the 70s cult classic, Grease as an example of American culture's ideas of gender roles and misconceptions about sexuality.
*Note: During the process of publishing this series, Olivia Newton-John passed away. Our condolences to her family and friends.
We've also talked about how these ideas aren't just in Hollywood. We hold the same beliefs in our homes and churches.
We ended the last post with a pretty hard bottom line that may seem like religious legalism to some of our readers, so we want to jump right back into that point and back up the challenging view.
Our work with Flourish Kenya puts us at the front lines of these issues and makes us sensitive to the tragic consequences of the ways society has diverged from God’s perfect design for sex and sexuality. However, finding a person, marriage, or family anywhere in the world, from the U.S. all the way to Kenya, that has not been affected by the downfall of sex and sexuality outside of God's design would be difficult. You don't have to look too far around you to see the pain, chaos, and confusion caused by having sex our way.
A dear friend of Flourish Kenya, Pastor Mike Davis, always says,
" You are not Burger King!"
And he's right in so many ways. We can't have it our way regarding sex and sexuality and expect good outcomes. Let's save "having it your way" for hamburgers, shall we?
When we follow the fast food model for sex and sexuality, here are a few of the outcomes paired with biblical wisdom further warning us against them:
Sexual violence- "Every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. Every 9 minutes, that victim is a child."1 , John 15:12 NIV
Pornography Addictions- This addiction can lead to adultery, sexual violence, sex addiction, etc. (We referenced these statistics in our last post.), Hebrews 13:4, Proverbs 6:32 CSB
Human Trafficking- The second most prevalent crime in the U.S., second only to narcotics.2 , Ezekiel 34:16
And these are just a few of the tragedies without going into a multitude of others that families face today. The above statistics and our front-line work in Kenya give us the confidence to we can say definitively:
There is devastation, life-long trauma, and brokenness when you separate God from sex.
Those statistics are also why we can conclude any sexual act that is not entered into with mutuality and reciprocity, fueled by the fruit of the Spirit by BOTH man and woman in marriage, is self-serving, idolatrous, and acts outside God's design.
(Not to mention our personal life experiences and the experiences of so many of the people closest to us.)
BUT! There is always hope! We know God's design, understand the ways in which we get it all wrong, and see the evidence of the damage caused by doing things our own way. Now, how do we navigate sexuality in today’s culture?
With Grace and Truth.
“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of Grace and truth.”
Flourish Kenya's entire curriculum and teaching philosophy are based on this verse. There is no better guide or example than Jesus.
Grace.
We are all navigating a frequently changing, anything-goes sexual culture (especially if you have a teen!). If we don't receive Grace and GIVE Grace to each other, we will be lost. Grace is God's love poured out on us. He doesn't take it back when we struggle.
Reflect Jesus to those struggling with these issues.
Lay down what you think you know and what you think you are supposed to believe, break down your walls and listen. The Holy Spirit will give you the right Truth when it's time to speak.
Self-check: Choose A or B
A: Are you known for Grace? Are people comfortable sharing their struggles and being vulnerable with you?
OR
B: Do those struggling with pornography, adultery, identity, or other sexual problems hide from you?
If you chose A, Ask God to give you a presence of peace, comfort, and wisdom for those who are hurting. If you feel B better describes you, thank God for giving you the special privilege of walking with the hurting— and use it wisely.
If you are struggling with ay of these issues, please don't hide. Darkness breeds shame. Find that person who will show you Grace and truth.
What to look for in a mentor:
Willing to listen first.
Doesn’t use shame or fear in guidance or advice.
Has been through something similar in their lives or helped someone with a similar issue.
Ideally is older and of the same gender.
You are willing to accept honest, grace-filled truth from them, even with it's difficult.
Truth.
How to speak truth with Grace:
When you marry scripture and scientific evidence, you get a beautiful Truth that speaks to a multitude of people. Science always proves God as Creator; we shouldn't shy away from it.
Listening always comes before sharing truth.
Truth should always be delivered with Grace and in love. It should never cause shame, fear, or condemnation.
Remember that what you consider to be Truth might not always be the same as others. Jesus consistently demonstrated truth and Grace in his conversations, even with those who disagreed with him. Of course, he knew what was in someone's heart, so he could cut to the chase. We don't have this ability, so the only way we can deliver truth with Grace is by taking the long road and making the costly investment of walking with others in ongoing relationships.
Walking with someone through these types of challenges is a relational commitment. Truly reflecting Jesus to someone suffering from sexual difficulties can not be done through one-time interactions, legislation, or posting your beliefs on Facebook.
We pray for an abundance of Grace and protection for those of you that do the hard work of walking intentionally with others through their battles. And we offer a prayer of hope and Grace for all of you in the middle of a sexuality-related struggle. You are not alone, and you are not the only one. There is hope and freedom.
If you’re ready to start taking steps toward wholeness in your sexuality, start with Jesus. Then check out our list of resources provided below. And definitely find a mentor and someone to walk with you.
We would love to hear from you! Have you learned anything or had any of your beliefs challenged from the Summer Lovin' series? We would also love to pray for you or provide encouragement. Drop us an email info@flourishkenya.org
REFERENCES
RECOMMENDED RESOURCES:
GENDER IDENTITY:
Embodied: Transgender Identities, the Church, and What the Bible Has to Say by Preston Sprinkle
SAME-SEX ATTRACTION:
Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was, and Who God Has Always Been by Jackie Hill Perry
Flourish Kenya's ministry is primarily in Kenya, Africa. We know that many of our readers are not in Kenya, so the following organizations are U.S.-based, We have not necessarily worked with them, but we have vetted them for reliable information and use them as resources. We do, however, have a relationship with Present Age Ministries and give our vote of confidence in their work.
Sexual abuse- RAINN
Trafficking- Present Age Ministries
Pornography- Fight the New Drug
Written by Krista Blalock
President and Co-founder
krista@flourishkenya.org
All of the content in this article was adapted from Flourish Kenya's Sexual and Reproductive Health Curriculum. Flourish Kenya delivers this and many more life-changing messages to youth in rural Kenya. You can help us continue this work by partnering with us as a Flourish Kenya First Responder!
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